Coming Out of the Style Closet

In my very first post, I described being caught between wanting to be respected as a scientist and wanting to be true to myself. I discussed how I had given up the "girly" things I liked in order to tame down my look and blend in. It wasn't something I did all at once. It was a slow transformation. I stopped wearing bright nail polish, then gave up the flashy jewelry, eventually I only wore heels on special occassions, and finally ended up with a comparatively drab wardrobe.

Recently, I've broken out of my shell. I'm back to being a fashion statement. I wear skirts, and heels, and nail polish to science lab (gasp!). I've heard comments such as, "Are you trying to get a man? Science majors don't dress this good." One of my professors comments about my "clicky" shoes every day she see me. I have decided that it's ok if I stand out. I feel more confident. One of my good friends (who was a large encouragement in bringing back my style) asked, "How does it feel to wake up every morning and be the shit?" It feels fabulous!!! I'm not your average science nerd so why should I pretend to be? I like science and fashion and I'm no longer afraid to admit it. My IQ hasn't changed just because I traded in my fleece jacket for a form fitting blazer.

Popular Science

While discussing a book which was assigned reading for my Evolution course, several of my fellow classmates complained about the book's "fluffiness". The book, Beak of the Finch, is classified in the popular science category and thus is written to target the general population (and by general, I mean someone with a basic understanding of science) . My classmates, who are used to having scientific information delivered to them in a concise and sterile tone, were frustrated by the anecdotes, adjectives, metaphors, and other such creative content contained in the text. I can sympathize with their frustration. Scientific minds are different. I know, I have one. We want facts and data - and we don't want to know how you feel about the data. Despite this, I still appreciate - and dare I say enjoy - such works of popular science. Come on, how many of us really find journal articles to be exciting reads? Do you sit on the edge of your chair just dying to find out what happens in the methods section? Do you stay up late because you just cannot put down that stack of articles from PNAS?



Well -written works of popular science are both important for scientists and non-scientists alike. Besides pumping life into material that is mostly described in dry, uncreative ways, popular science texts bridge the gap between scientists and everyone else. Why is this important? So many reasons!!!

For the non-scientists:
Science is very much a part of your life. Popular science books can help you make educated decisions about the medication you take, the car you drive, and the food you buy, to name a few things. These books are informative BUT fun to read. And, you don't have to sit through any science classes to get the information.

For the scientists:
First of all, if you would rather read a journal article...... seek help. You need some variety in your life. It's ok to have fun. Stop being such a tight arse.
Second of all, being able to communicate science in a way that non-scientists can understand is a crucial skill. Unfortunately, many of you SUCK at it. Why is it important? Because there are plenty of non-science types that are making critical decisions about science. How do we expect people to make informed decisions about global warming, stem cell research, immunizing their children, and alternative energy if they don't understand the basic science behind these topics? How do we expect people to stop thinking that evolution is atheism if we can't explain the science of evolution to them in a way they can comprehend? Popular science books can be fun to read, but they can also help us learn how to talk about our research in a way that won't make people fall asleep. I'm not saying that you should dumb down your work. I'm not saying that I want my lab reports to be works of creative writing or that peer-reviewed journals should start publishing cartoons and poetry. What I'm saying is that as scientists we have a responsibility to communicate with the public. Do we really trust FOX news and CNN to accurately pass along our findings? I sure don't.

This discussion has made me remember what I am really passionate about. I was starting to feel quite defeated but now I remember that there is a special niche for me. I'm the girl in the middle. I'm not a science genius but I have the ability to critically analyze scientific information and put it into my own words. I enjoy translating science. I enjoy bringing spark into what others may see as dull.

Where Did my Dreams Go?

It's been a while. Yes, it's been over 8 months since I've posted a blog entry. I was just reading my last entry and it made me sad. I sound like such a go-getter in that post. I sound determined to not give-up. A part of me misses that confidence and determination and another, more cynical part of me, wonders if I was just fooling myself. Was I just chasing wild dreams? Were my goals just delusions of grandeur? Had I really found my passion, my niche, my place in the world? I wish I knew. But more importantly, I wish I had some dreams and goals today, whether they be unrealistic or not. I have always loved the quote by Langston Hughes: "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams dies, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly." While my dreams and goals have changed throughout my life, I have always had them. They kept me going. They gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. They gave me hope. Now, for the first time since I can remember, I feel dreamless. I feel like I'm living day by day, just hoping to pass my classes and pay my bills. I know I want a college degree (in anything at this point), but I have no idea what I want to do with it. I don't have any direction and it's driving me insane. Am I still a sassy scientist? I don't know. I don't know if the D's and F's that are on my transcript from last year are a reflection of my ability or a reflection of not trying hard enough or just a reflection of a bad year. I don't know if changing my major to biology (yes, it's true, Chemistrina has left chemistry) was giving up or running away or just plain laziness. I know that I think my classes are boring and finding the motivation to pull myself through them has been excruciating. I know that I have turned into the student who skims the chapter summaries right before the exams in hopes of just getting a C. I know that I have become the student who misses classes and often comes late. I know that I can't seem to turn in assignments on time. I know that I usually draw pictures instead of taking notes in class and that time seems to tick by so very slowly during lectures that I can barely stand it. So, there you have it, it has taken me months to gather up the courage to put this out here. I know all this is happening but I don't know why. I've never, until now, been this kind of person. In this detached phase I am experiencing, I haven't felt that I had much to say about my journey as an aspiring scientist, hence the 8 months of silence.



On a happier note, my lack of studying has provided me with the time to go to the gym 5 times a week, watch plenty of enertaining TV sitcoms, and read books that are not in any sense academic. I also get much more sleep since I've thrown in the towel when it comes to staying up half the night studying.



As with most everything in life, nobody can really help me but myself. So, I keep on skating by, hoping that tomorrow I will suddenly come up with a brilliant plan for my future. It turns out that Google does not provide useful answers when you search for such things as, "What should I do with my life?" and "How do I find a dream?" As I wait for Google's search engine to improve, at least I am increasing my muscle mass and becoming knowledgable in TV trivia.