The Need to Achieve

There are few things in life that I consciously complete in a half-assed manner: making my bed, sweeping the floor, folding my clothes, and other such domestic duties. Hence the card on my bulletin board that says "domestically disabled".


With just about everything else in life, I strive to do my best. Yes, I know- perfection is an unattainable goal. No worries, I gave up perfection a few years ago. While I can give up being perfect, there is no giving up my innate need to put my all into everything. Most of the time, this need to achieve serves me well. It makes me a model student, an ideal employee....and oh, here lies the catch. The catch is that when you put all of yourself into everthing you do there isn't much room in your life.


I thrive on work and school. I complain about how I'm busy, tired, and don't have time for other activities. But, despite my complaints, I'm happy. I crave the hustle and bustle. I love being challenged. And for now, I suppose it is great that I am this way. It will get me through grad school and land me a great job. But then what?


While I'm not about to change my ways any time soon, I am aware that I need some balance. I need to take the time to foster relationships, to engage in activities away from work and school, and to enjoy my youth before it passes me by. Easier said than done.


My fear is not that I won't reach my academic or career goals but that I won't have the other things in my life that I would someday like to have. I guess, what I mean to say, is that I don't want to be alone. I also want to be a stellar mom, a great wife, and a loyal friend. I want to achieve at these things as well. I want to have it all. Right now, today, I'm not ready to say that I am willing to sacrifice any of these. I know I may have to, and that knowledge won't keep me from following the path I am following. But I also know that I have done a lot of things I didn't think I could. Perhaps I will be able to have it all. Only time will tell.